Season 2 Begins + Preview of Booty Ball 2012-2013!!

I'd like to welcome us back to the sports blogging hobby I so hilariously started last year!  After March Madness 2012 ended, I didn't have much to talk about in the sports arena (although, the love life could have been a blog on its own!)  Baseball is soooo boring to me.  While I like beer and sun and tight asses, I feel that even those things cannot motivate me to watch it.  It never really caught my attention.  When I was a kid going to my dad's softball games, I was running around the playground being mischievous, not watching.  For my sister's games in high school, I sometimes watched her and her friends with pride, but usually used the times when she and my mom were gone to take advantage of the empty house if you know what I'm saying.  I guess there were some sexy high school boys that played baseball, but they were also dicks.  So, whatever.  F baseball.

I thought about doing some Olympics blogging.  It would have focused on my nonsexual crush/obsession with Kerri and Misty Mae, culminating in the climax that was the AMAZING US v. US championship game.  And, of course, I would have gone into great detail about  the sexiness that is the male swimmer body.  Maybe a blog entitled, "Lower Abs and Forearms:  Celebrating the Aesthetic Pleasures of F'n the Olympic Swim Team"? 

 
(thanks for the eye candy, tressugar)


Coulda shoulda woulda.

But now that football season has officially started, I'm back!

My football season started with an expected, yet disappointing, loss for the Idaho Vandals.  At least I got to drink beers and commiserate with my friends.  Win or lose, there's always booze.  :/

The next night I was bartending during the first Boise State game and was thankful that my closet provided a Michigan State themed outfit!  I was the only one in the bar that was rooting against BSU.  I think there were 2 people who were not rooting for BSU, but they were pussies and too scared to root against them.  Personally, I have a hard time holding back my thoughts and feelings.  I was polite enough to keep my mouth somewhat shut during the game.  That was hard.  And I simply could not resist playing the Michigan State Fight Song on the jukebox and dancing behind the bar after their loss.  I've decided that if I work another BSU game and they win, I'll let the donk fans throw napkins at me.  Just to make it fair when I get to gloat.  

Re: NFL.  Yeah!!!!  THE PRE-GAME BOYS!  I love them so much.  So cute and macho and awesome.  I was a little sad that I was working during Eli's first game b/c I wanted to be able to get a strong beer buzz from shotgunning beers during his bitch face moments.   Instead, I was sober yet happy to see him on the big screen again.  (See my pre and post Super Bowl blogs for more background on my relationship with this Mann). 

I love how so many people get so into NFL games.  Husbands and wives dress all cute together and cuddle on the couch or go to games.  In particular, my girl Karen goes aallll out!  Check out what she makes every year to keep track:

I thought about doing this, too, to be cool like her.  But then I thought - I don't have a TV or football fan boyfriend, and thus there will be no snuggling on my couch watching football with my man.  But mostly it was that I really don't want to go buy poster board.  Hahahahaha!  

For my game to keep me engaged this year, I'm going to pick 3-7 hot guys to follow and root for all season.  Like Fantasy Football, but way more superficial.  Eli is number 1.  Not sure who else I want yet.  I guess that will be the focus of my next blog!  Booty Ball 2012-2013!  Who's in??

March Madness Justifies 4 Day Benders!

I'm still in it babay!  I lost some key games, but my final match ups are still alive.  My f%&*$@* awesome bracket! was a devil in disguise, though.  Starting around 12 pm a week ago, the drinking and rootin'-for-the-hoopin started.  I didn't sober up until right before work started on Monday.  Lucky for everyone the games took a few days off and I got to pretend to care about football for a while again with the Tebow/Manning thing. 

Now that Syracuse tips off in 2.5 hours, I face an important set of decisions . . . to engage in another 4 day bender or not?  This time, my man's in town, there's a big music festival (Treefort!), and the sun will be out.  Methinks that's a recipe for awesomeness.  Miss Liver may disagree.

A tisket, a tasket, my f%&*$@* awesome bracket!

Friends, I am quite proud of the work that went into this year's selection.  What you have before you is the Kelsey Jae Thought Process on Selecting Winners.  I'd like to thank my special guest, Urban Lindsay aka Lindsanity.  She helped me through some "tough" decisions.

Round 1

• South
• KENTUCKY - like a 16 is going to beat a 1.  Even I know that.  Plus, I love Anne and she's from Kentucky. 
• UCONN - Kyle loves UConn!  I want him to be happy.
• WITCHITA - hahaha, the Shockers!  And I love Ron Baker's blue eyes and his awesome white boy fro!  
• NEW MEXICO - oooh I love Wendell McKines' neck tattoo.  RARR.  It goes well w/his slanty smile.
• COLORADO - I'm way more into mountains and rivers than Vegas (Vegas has its time and place, don't get me wrong).  And Askia Booker's hair and face are so cute!  I kind of like Beau Gamble too.  Ha - Gamble, Vegas, get it?  uhhhh...
• S. DAKOTA ST.  Fuck Baylor.  I have my reasons.
• XAVIER. This was hard.  Xavier has quite a few boys I find attractive.  Dee Davis looks troubled; Brad Redford is awesome; Isiah Philmore's eyes are mesmerizing, and Erik Stenger wants to shotgun Miller Lights with me, I can tell.  Notre Dame can't compete.  While I like Tim Abromaitis and Joey Brooks, I've got to go w/the numbers.  Plus I like names that start with an X. 
• LEHIGH.  I've never even heard of them.  But I like all the smiling boys on the front page website video.  And Duke kind of scares me.  It's all aristocratic. 
• West
• LONG ISLAND.  I know this is probably ill advised.  They are 16 and Mich St. is 1.  But everyone's going to go with Mich.  And I love me a good Long Island Tea.  Second only to his dirty cousin the Black Opal.  I shall go to the bar on this game and drink one of each.  It will be worth making this pick for that.
• ST. LOUIS.  Big Nelly fan.  He's from the Show-Me-State. 
• LONG BEACH ST.  Snoop's from the east side LBC.
• LOUISVILLE. First boy on the roster is Angel Nunez!  Derrr!
• MURRAY.  I picked Murray b/c I always think of Drop Dead Fred when I hear that name.  "And this one's for ruining the one stoop I get a month while Murray's wife is out of town!!!"
• MARQUETTE.  I guess . . . they haven't designated the other one yet.  I've done enough guessing for now.
• FLORIDA.  I don't really care about these teams that much.  Florida is ranked higher.
• MISSOURI.  I HATE trying to pronounce Norfolk.  Plus I know some douchebag narc from there. 
• East
• SYRACUSE.  Have to pick the Number 1.
• SOUTHERN MISS.  Makes me think of Blanche Devereaux
• VANDERBILT.  Harvard can eat it.
• MONTANA.  Aaah Montana.  The beautiful wild west.  Wrangler butts drive me nuts.
• TEXAS.  I love throwing up the horns.  It makes me think of my little sister Gabrielle who did that all the time when she was wee.
• ST. BONAVENTURE!  This is French for GOOD VACATION!  whoot!
• W. VIRGINIA.  Ooh my scary Turk is back.  Let's hope he doesn't get benched this time and make me lose in the second round.  Get a hair cut, Deniz.  Fuckin hipsters are rubbing off on you.
• OHIO. 2 v. 15.  and my mom likes them for football.
• Midwest
• N. CAROLINA.  Linsantity thinks that "North Carolina will DESTROY."  That's all I need to know.
• ALABAMA.  The Creighton Bluejays don't even have pictures on their roster.  F that.  And Alabama is the Crimson Tide.  I wrote a blog about them once.
• ROUND 1 #4.  I'm more into that than the Temple.  I just don't like the word Temple.  It makes me think of lots of bad things.  Marty Sabrook.  Templeton the Rat.  Religious zealotry.
• OHIO.  Their opening website was sextastic.  I liked the imagery.
• SAN DIEGO. Kerri just moved there!
• GEORGETOWN.  Sending GOOD ENERGY.  Linsanity wants to go there for school.  
• PURDUE.  I like to say Per-Du and stick my lips out.  Plus, I'm no nun.
• DETROIT WHAT?

Round 2:  To make these selections, I must refer back to the reasons I picked the teams in the first place.  Then put Reason 1 v. Reason 1 to come up with Round 2 Reason.

•  South
• UCONN.  I almost picked Kentucky just so I could argue with Kyle during this game.  Then I thought about how much more fun it would be to be on his same side!  Yip yip!  
• WITCHITA. Neck Tattoo or the Shockers + White Boy Fro.  Ya' heard.
• COLORADO.  I love them more than I hated Baylor, which is the only reason I picked S. Dakota before.
• XAVIER.  Numbers and X.  
• West
• ST. LOUIS.  I am unlikely to win the Long Island basketball game (drinking game, on the other hand . . . )
• LOUISVILLE.  NUNEZ NUNEZ NUNEZ NUNEZ!!
• MURRAY.  hahaha, takes more than a firetruck to stop Drop Dead Fred!
• MISSOURI.  My first round picks for these guys was pretty non-emotional.  Going with the numbers on this one.
• East
• SYRACUSE.  Blanche would want me to pick the winner.  These guys are #1~
• MONTANA.  I prefer cowboys.
• BON ADVENTURE!  I like a good vacation.  
• W. VA.  I'll never abandon my scary Turk!
• Mid-West
• N. CAROLINA.  They will destroy.  Plus, now that I think about it, one of my favorite songs in dance class is that Breathe Carolina song, "Blackout."
• ROUND 1 # 4.  Oooh taking a chance on the mystery!
• GEORGETOWN.  Kerri cares about basketball way less than Linsanity cares about good vibes for Georgetown.
• PER-DU.  Yeahhhh...Can't wait to delicately state "Per Du" all day

Round 3:  Same drill as Round 2!

• South
•  WITCHITA. If it gets this far, I will have already had my bonding time with Kyle and will be ready to cheer on the Shockers and White Fro.
• XAVIER.  This one was pure superficiality.  Lots of hot guys and X.  Gets me every time.
• West
• LOUISVILLE.  NUNEZ NUNEZ NUNEZ!!!
• MURRAY.  We're making pants pie . . . with vodka.
• East
• SYRACUSE.  They are number 1. 
• W. VA.  Damn this one was haaaarrrd!  But the Scary Turk wins.
• Mid-West
• NORTH CAROLINA.  I won't black out.  This won't stop, till I say so!
• PUR DOOOO.  I ran this by Lindsay.  She knows how much joy I get out of saying PUR DOO and PER DU.  I love her.

THE FINAL FOUR~!!!!!!!

• WITCHITA!!!!  Silllk the Shocker!
• NUNEZ!  I mean LOUISVILLE!!  How often to do I get to shout NUNEZ in the bar?  haha, it happens a lot actually.
• W. VA.  HOT TURK.
• N. CAROLINA.  I'll just Per Du when talking about the losers.  Then I win both ways.

CHAMPIONSHIP

• LOUISVILLE.  I prefer my namesake to surprise fingers in the butt.
• N. CAROLINA.  I was going to stick w the Scary Turk the whole way.  But he fucked up last year.  Fool me once . . . 

WINNER:  NORTH CAROLINA

SCORE:  187

March Mad-ticipation Part Deux

YES YES YES!  The bracket was released today!!  I'm so excited for the next few weeks.  Tomorrow night, me and my hot betch of a dear friend LINSANITY will be dressing up and hitting up the wi-fi at the sports bar to fill them out.  I envision lots of in depth discussion about sexy coaches, buff shoulders, strong forearms, scary faces, jaw bones, feelings, and maybe some logical analysis of statistical likelihood to succeed.  Last year, I did a fairly good job for the first two rounds, but then my Scary Turk from West Virginia got benched and my selection was out for good.  I think that was a fluke and some bad luck.  It did not make me doubt my methodology. 

See you on the court!  And by court I mean bar.  yip yip!

March Mad-ticipation!

So I've been pre-prepping myself for the March Madness bracket selection by paying attention to games when I'm at restaurants and bars.  Today, I was so excited when I saw Tyler Zeller do that behind-the-back slam dunk!  That was awesome!!  Then I was informed that it was a mistaken tip-in for the other team.  I still find his mad skills endearing.  Something tells me I'm not going to win my bracket . . .

Super Late Super Bowl Blog

Despite my inability to get this done sooner, I had a great time at the Super Bowl party hosted by me and my hot piece-of-ass BF and roomie.  The highlights of the day were:

1.  Delicious food.  I exceeded my own expectations with the next iteration of my healthy jalapeno poppers.  This time, I roasted a bunch of peppers in the oven, then put them in the food processor, then added low fat cream cheese and made a perfect mixture.  It was too hot, actually, not perfect.  Next time I'll take out the seeds.  Then I wrap them into little filo dough burritos, brush with olive oil, and bake.  I served these magical bundles of heat with fat free sour cream with blue cheese crumbles and fat free sour cream with ranch powder.  (The third dip I made was nast and I refuse to acknowledge it, as did my guests).  Overall, the food table was epic!  We had delicious and creative treats prepared lovingly by my beautiful friends. 

2.  Side entertainment, namely BATTLE SHOTS.  My man is an engineer, he likes to party, and he likes projects.  When the Battle Shots picture went around the Facebooks for the week pre-Bowl, he knew he had to perform.  He and the roomie did a great job, and best of all, we didn't spend any money or buy any materials!  Everything we used was from our recycle bin or otherwise already in the home.  Good job!

3.  MADONNA!  Madonna is effing fantastic.  I thought the half time show got off to a slow, overly processed start and was worried.  But I kept the faith in one of the greatest pop performers of our time.  And she did perform.  I really liked the show!  And I LOVED that bungee hopping bad ass, Andy Lewis.  Check him out.  Even better is that my dance teacher added her new song LUV to our repertoire the next class!  Madonna . . . you'ze a badass.

4.  Whiny-bitch-face shotgunning.  This was a self-imposed drinking game, and I kind of regret it.  Hahaha not really.  As you know, I love my Eli!  But he tends to make whiny bitch face a lot.  So, I said I would shot gun a beer each and every time the CAMERA caught him (it's impossible to do it every time).  My friends held me to this and it was difficult.  I got kind of drunk, and spilled a lot of beer on the floor.  Ha!  Oh well.  Eli won anyway!  And I was happy about that.  So I made a tribute to his face.

5.  My outfit.  I'm a referee!  I call the plays!  DO what I say!  Muwahahahha!

With the conclusion of the Super Bowl, I can now devote my limited-yet-focused attention to basketball.  I was at brunch yesterday watching this team ORAL ROBERTS play.  Other than the University of Idaho Vandals, they are top of my list so far.  I'm really excited for March Madness!  Whoot!

Field goals w/o a field?

Field goals in football and soccer make sense to me bc there is a field. Wtf is a field goal in basketball? I guess "court goal" doesn't flow off the lips as well. That's a good reason, good enough for me anyhow. What's the equivalent to baseball? There isn't one, right? Bc w baseball every run is a point and there's no way to get points other than runs. In football a field goal is just one of the few ways to get points. Soccer ... same. Basketball ... Idk. There's 2 pointers and 3 pointers. What's a field goal?

Ps - I don't want to Google this yet. I'm going to stew on the mystery while I get my nails done.